Monday, March 12, 2007

NDR: Operation™ & Nightmares

So, I know this blog is about derby, but I can’t help but blog about two bizarre encounters I had within several hours of each other on Saturday.

1) I saw the “Operation” guy at CVS

2) I had a flashback to the most memorable nightmare I’ve ever had

As for #1, I thought I was tripping. I was checking out at CVS when two guys walked up to the counter from the back of the store. One was the dude from Operation!!! You know, the game where you have metal tweezers and you have the pick out “the funny bone” without zapping the bejesus out of yourself? It was THAT GUY. He looked just like him and even had a red rubber thing over his nose. My first thought was that the pharmacy must be doing some sort of promo about health check ups, then I realized that’s a really stupid idea. I kept looking at him without trying to stare. I was like, “did I just see that, or am I flashing?” I seriously thought I was in the middle of an acid flashback, and so help me god if I had been on acid when this happened! I realized the guy was developmentally disabled after a few minutes, but I still don’t get why the red rubber thing was on his nose! If I had thought about it at the time, I would have taken a camera-phone pic of this, because I know anyone I tell about it would ask me this: “Were you high?” Totally bizarre.

After I left CVS I went to a bridal shower for a girl I work with. It was held at this little church in a really old Baltimore neighborhood. The shower was in the main room of the church – a room covered in fake wood paneling, filled with tables and with a stage at the front, lined with gifts. When I looked closer at the stage, I freaked. It brought me back to this terrible dream I had when I was 18:

In the dream, I’m wearing a puffy yellow dress and I go into this “church” that’s the basement of a row house. I don’t really know why I’m there, but once I go inside I realize a crowd of my friends and family are all seated in the back half of the room. In the front half is a long folding table – the kind you sit at when at a banquet, but without any tablecloth. On top of the table is a metal folding chair. Someone escorts me to the table and has me sit on the chair on top of the table. It’s then that I realize I’m being crowned the Queen of White Trash. Everyone there is really proud of me because I’ve done “better” than those who came before me, but this title makes me really upset. I remember waking from that dream and thinking, “Is all I’ll ever be the Queen of White Trash? I don’t want to be White Trash at all! I want to be better than that!” And, so, this single dream is the metaphor for my life that I’ve forever been trying to escape, which is why I have such a strong work ethic, etc, etc. I digress.

The reason I freaked at the shower was that the bride-to-be’s mother had placed a chair in the center of the stage for her daughter to sit in and open presents. It was all too real for me. Yet, I don’t see her as white trash. Do you ever have moments like these that just hit you like a brick wall? It’s killer.

Monday, March 5, 2007

Mobtown Maulers Make Derby History with Largest Point Spread AGAIN!!!

Maulers: 289 LIRR: 16

Last night ROCKED!!! In our first Division III WFTDA match up (we’ve only ever played Division I & II teams), we beat LIRR 289 to 16.

I played my usual Blocker 1&2 positions for the first two periods, but I MOTHERFUCKING JAMMED in the third!!! The score was so uneven that the crowd started requesting Berzerker and I jam. We did it! Berzerker did better than I did, with a 9-point jam. My jam ended in a tie: 0 to 0. Everyone was really impressed with us habitual blockers stepping up to jam. The crowd went wild and I’ve been getting nothing but nice e-mails about it all day long! My teammates were especially impressed with my resilience. I was able to get back up and sprint back to the pack immediately – how did I do it? I think it has something to do w/that endless supply of energy I was talking about in my last blog post. I just never got tired, not even when jamming!

“So, what do you think makes the difference,” Betty Beatdown, my fellow Mauler and Speed Regimer, asked me.

I think it’s a little of everything. Eating well, getting a shitload of exercise on a very regular basis, and really, REALLY fucking wanting to get better and do my absolute best. The drive is certainly #1.

The East Coast Extravaganza is in two weeks, and we have two WFTDA bouts with Division II teams: Grand Raggedy and Detroit.

Friday, March 2, 2007

Fit & Fat

Okay, so it’s been a while since I last wrote. Work’s been a bitch, Mercury’s in retrograde, and everything seems to be going to shit (broken front tooth, head cold, fight w/significant other…). Alas, here’s the latest installment!

Fit and Fat

I had my monthly visit w/my nutritionist, and (surprise) she is shocked at the lack of my progress, be it weight or inches. I told her this was the point (3 months) that I was usually kicked out of Weight Watchers or told to “get use to it [being fat]” by doctors. It’s bizarre.

I burn a LOT of resting calories for my size. I should burn about 2100/day, but I actually burn well over 3000/day. I have a shitload of muscle, and I exercise like a maniac (5-6 days per week w/double doses on at least 3 of those days).

“I’m the picture of fit and fat,” I told the nutritionist. Although I’m at my highest weight ever (well, almost), I can tell that my body is performing better than it ever has been. I crave activity. I don’t even get tired in jams anymore. I get anxious if I have to sit out more than 1 jam when scrimmaging, because I want to fucking MOVE! It’s truly awesome, but I can’t help but imagine how much more awesome it could be if I wasn’t wearing this fat suit. I feel like my mobility is somewhat limited by parts of my body being so large.

The verdict. Upping my caloric intake from 1600 cals/day to 2400 cals/day. I’ve lost 3 pounds already since Monday. Bitchin!

Maulers vs. Long Island Roller Rebels on Sunday

We’re hosting LIRR on Sunday, and we’re doing this whole 80s themed bout – giving away prizes for people dressed 80s, etc. I was so looking forward to this, because it was to be the showdown of the 80s superstars: Me (Cindy Lop-her) and MadDonna. Sadly, MadDonna is unable to make the bout due to family obligations.

This bout is sure to be a crowd pleaser. The Maulers let lose on Female Trouble (CCRG’s B-Team) last Monday during scrimmaging. The last jam of the night featured brutal double-teaming. At one point, I took out a player, and on her way down Joy Collision hit her from the other side. Ouch! I’m looking to pull some of this out on Sunday as well!

Well, that’s it for now. It’s time for me to get changed to do the Walk Away the Pounds 2-Mile Walk DVD w/my co-workers!!!