Friday, December 7, 2007

Rollergirls Don’t Think Their Shit Don’t Stink

It’s about that time that I write a blog about one of my favorite topics – if you know me, you know this topic comes up way too often: pooping. That’s right, like many of you out there who are not involved in roller derby, I use to be afraid to talk about pooping. No more.

I was one of those people who acted like they never did it. Not only does my shit not stink, but I don’t even poop! Once, my old roommate, Dave, convinced several of our friends at a party that he, in fact, did not poop – he had it sucked out of him once a week. It was actually quite believable coming from Dave – the man who was obsessed with his hair, the way he smelled, and the plastic surgery he had had on his nipples. He was too good for pooping, and so was I. But that all changed when I became a rollergirl.

What came first, the urge to poop or anxiety? Well, like the children’s book title, “Everyone Poops,” everyone does poop. And rollergirls who are anxious about bouting seem to poop an exponential amount. I’ll never forget our first bout. Everyone kept running from the dressing room to the bathroom and back again. Nerves make you poop, and we all had a bad case of nerves. And when you’re all in the same situation, there’s no hiding it. The smell from the bathroom hits you when you’re 5 feet away from the door. Everybody’s pooping.

At first I thought maybe it was just us rude girls from Baltimore. There’s something in the city water and perhaps we’re just crass enough to talk about it openly and all the time. Then came the East Coast Extravaganza in Philly last winter. As soon as I set foot in the arena, I had to pee, so I got in line. There were rollergirls from all over the US, but mainly the east coast, and that bathroom was more blown up than a Wal-Mart bathroom run by male gas station employees. For many ladies, this was their first time playing people from other leagues. You’re in a new place, you’re anxious, and there’s a line for the bathroom that’s longer than the line for beer. Everybody poops.

Three years in, and we’re still all talking about having to take a poop, having a weird poop, or guzzling an entire bottle of Pepto to stop pooping. Every once in a while a very surprised photog or reporter is at a practice where they overhear conversations like these. The best is the young guy reporter who gets to hear about someone’s period poop.

It may seem weird, gross, or without tact to an outside observer, but we’ve all just become so comfortable with each other that it’s the same as talking about what you had for lunch – just in another way. Really, it’s quite amazing to be able to break down such a taboo. Does it make us lesser people? No. I think it’s great that we’ve bonded so much that we can be so open with each other. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m asking you to tell me about your poop, but if you want to, I’m more than happy to listen.


Anonymous said...

Yeah poop! That's why I kept an extra large bottle of Pepto in my bag, just for pre-bout jitters. Then again, it never worked and I dumped in the bathroom just like everyone else. Poop!

reet said...

are you going to practice tonight? i have pregnancy poop to talk about. you know, the kind that makes you constipated for 4 days....

everybody poops, except me now :( it really makes me sad. i miss a good poop.

Julia said...

My boss, Debbie, is a non-pooper. She poops like twice a week. I'm convinced that this is the reason that she's so obsessed with it. Not in a fun, productive way, like rollergirls, but in a judgmental, hurtful way that makes me want to hold my poop until I get home, since she makes this big production out of every time I poop in the bathroom at the store. It makes me sad for kids who have parents like that, who grow up to be neurotic, nervous, adults because they were afraid to poop. I love pooping! I love it so much that I do it twice a day, every day! Yeah! I feel great!!