Thursday, January 17, 2008

Confession

Bless me, readers, for I have sinned. It has been 29 years since my last confession. These are my sins:

I ate 4 pieces of cake yesterday. Granted, the cake was made from scratch – a lovely yellow cake covered with real chocolate frosting and lightly sprinkled with green sprinkles. The cake was so moist and dense that I could not help myself. And really, it’s better to eat a home-made cake than a store-bought cake, right?

In the past 48 hours I have been calling fellow drivers names: asshole, stupid bitch, idiot, and dumb cunt are some of the names I can remember off the top of my head. I have been trying really hard to be mindful while driving. I try and leave ahead of time so I don’t need to rush or get anxious if I’m behind a slow driver or an idiot, but for the past few days, my road rage has gotten the best of me. I truly am the dumb cunt who lacks patience and understanding. However, I have not given anyone the finger. That’s good, right?

I spent $35 on Listerine Dissolving Whitening Strips, because I like to whiten my teeth after I get a professional cleaning. I’m supposed to put the strips on twice a day. Lately, however, I have been slacking, and I have only been using them once a day. I truly am wasteful. In my defense, they are really a pain in the butt. Sure, they “dissolve,” so you don’t need to remove them, but they don’t really, truly dissolve, so after having them on it looks like I have chicken stuck between all my front teeth. Is this what keeps me from wearing them twice a day? No, it’s laziness, and for that I am sorry. I realize that some poor kid in Ethiopia is currently doing without Listerine Dissolving Whitening Strips, and I should be grateful and use the strips according to the directions. I will try and do better.

I have recently become obsessed with over-the-knee socks. I love the way they look, especially with booty shorts and roller skates. However, my legs are too chunky to allow me to wear over-the-knee socks, and I am jealous of the girls I see wearing them. Why can’t I wear them? If I could wear them, I bet I would rock them. Damn, American Apparel, making their sizes two sizes smaller than they actually should be! I want to wear over-the-knee socks so badly.

Last week my announcing dress arrived – it’s made in the colors of the Maryland flag, and I cannot stop trying it on. It is a little too big in the hips, so I’ll need to take it in before Sunday. Aside from that, I look hot in this dress – yes, that’s hot with two “t”s. My boobs look great, wrapped in the yellow satin, but my waist looks even better and is accentuated my by bootylicious hips and ass. I love this dress. I know it is wrong to love an object this much, but it makes me feel good about myself, so my love for it cannot possibly be that unwarranted and evil, right?

Ever since Monday I cannot stop boasting about my wonderful and amazing performance in the snake drills. Immediately after completing this feat, I told everyone in my vicinity about my accomplishment. I told J about it when I got home that night, and the next day I told all my friends at work about it and even blogged about it. Last night at practice I reiterated it to people whom I had already told on Monday, and I shared it with two of my friends who had not yet heard it. I’m talking about it again now, and not really because I’m ashamed of it, but because I just want to keep bragging. It’s like when you buy something really expensive, show it off to people, and then say, “I really shouldn’t have bought it! It was WAY too expensive!” It’s kind of like that.

Last, but not least, I took six bout posters from practice on Monday, and I have only posted two – one on my refrigerator at home and one on the door of my office. I said I would post them at businesses near my office, but I have yet to do so. Really, I collect the bout posters and just wanted to make sure I got one. Instead, I took five too many. I suppose I could go out during my lunch break today and post them in the neighborhood, but it’s cold and I’m wearing thin gaucho pants and fishnets. Still, I feel guilty whenever I enter my office and see the pile of posters just lying there, away from our adoring public. Perhaps I will suck it up and venture out later after all, because really, if I don’t, they will just remain here, hoarded in my office or in the trunk of my car.

I am truly sorry for these and for all of my sins.

My readers, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.
In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good
I have sinned against you,
Whom I should love above all things.
I firmly intend, with Your help,
to do penance, to sin no more,
and to avoid whatever leads me to sin.

Hugs and Kisses,

Cindy Lop-her

2 comments:

Betty Beatdown said...

There are tons of places to buy over-the-knee socks...I wish I could remember them. American Apparel is made for, well, you know my feelings on American Apparel.

Good for you for recognizing your sins. Although, I don't think the cake thing was a "sin" per se...more like bad judgment. Unless you didn't really care and didn't feel guilty -- then it's just tasty.

I think I will do this exercise today too!

sLeezy Borden said...

let me introduce you, if you haven't found it already, to the wonderful world of sockdreams.com
this place is nirvana for rollergirls and their sock fetishes. i am a big ol' blocker for the midwest maulers of the rockford rage (rockford, il), and have quite a few pairs of over the knee socks, as well as knee-highs, mid calfs, and, god bless them, plus-size bright red fence-net fishnets. and backseam fishnets...and...arm warmers and all kinds of stuff.
you'd think i work there for the way i'm plugging it, but i'm just a fan of the store because of the selection and their willingness to accomodate the legs of someone who works out three times a week on skates. :)
good luck with it!