Thursday, January 3, 2008

Impatience is a Virtue

I think I’ve been on a spiritual journey for the past several months. Maybe spiritual is the wrong word here, but I’ve been really focusing on removing the clutter from my mind and figuring out what I need to do to know myself better, make myself happier, and succeed. I feel as if I’m on the right track, but with one flaw: impatience.

The non-immediate gratification is torturous, because I just want to be in a situation where I’m not overextending myself to get ahead or work toward a personal goal. Right now I’m embarking on setting up a structure and procedures for soliciting sponsorship on behalf of WFTDA – for both sets of 2008 regional championships and the national 2008 championship, in October and November, respectively.

I really have a passion for derby (have I not mentioned this here?), and I think we can catapult the sport to be nationally recognized (or internationally, aka, Olympically recognized), but it’s going to take work. Luckily, I find the work of business fun, especially when I believe in the cause, and I don’t know if I believe in anything more than I believe in derby. Someone said to me the other day, “It’s great that people are working to get roller derby recognized, but it’s not like it’s going to happen at any time that we’re actually involved in it.” My heart sank. Yes, derby has snowballed in the last 5 years, and yes, derby revivals have failed before, but I really feel like my participation in the sponsorship capacity will help derby achieve that lofty goal sooner rather than later.

And I know that it could really happen sooner if I could dedicate myself to it fully – if it were my job. Realistically, though, this cannot and will not happen. I will continue to conduct derby business in my car on my way to work, on my lunch break, and in the evenings when I get home, as I do now. I do it because I care about it and I’m obviously getting something out of it. I want to see the sport succeed. I want to see the fearless DIY attitude and camaraderie continue and spread throughout the world. And if I can help that happen by soliciting sponsorship, then I want to be able to contribute in that manner.

I suppose I’m just jaded, like every other working member of society – in the 9 to 5 I working toward someone else’s greater good instead of my own. True, I work for a great independent company, and I can be proud of the results our books have with children and people with disabilities, but that’s not necessarily MY dream.

I want it all, and I’m not ashamed to admit that. I’m only going to live once, so why not try for what I want? All of it? At this point in my daydreaming I get bitch-slapped in the face by reality and bills. So, here I am at the far end of the road, and I can barely make out what lies at the end of it. I’m broke, and it looks like I’m going to have to do odd jobs on my way to pay for the gas to get me where I’m going. I’m guess I’m fine with that. I just need a pair of binoculars to remind me of where I’m going every now and again.

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