Thursday, March 27, 2008

Expectations

As I sit here editing today, I’m listening to an old album that takes me back to a time that reminds me of this guy I was on-and-off with for years. In my mind, he was the perfect person – thoughtful, sensitive, sexy. It went on for what seemed like forever, but it never worked out between us. The problem was that I was lying to myself about who he was, only I didn’t know it. I had this image in my mind of him, but when I tried to cram him into that image, he never fit. I would repeatedly get frustrated and angry with him for his not being who I wanted him to be. But, it never really was his fault – it just wasn’t a good fit.

It’s funny how we do this – it’s like a daydream taken too far that’s crossed into reality. It happens with other things too, not just people. For instance, leading up to a vacation or a new job, you get these preconceived notions of what things will be like, and it’s hard, if not unsettling, when things don’t turn out as you expected.

I’m not one who particularly tends to believe honesty is the best policy, but I do believe honesty is the best policy when you’re talking about and to yourself. If I can’t see something for what it is, then I’m bound to have problems with it at some point, whether it’s acting on something that’s unreal or just me getting my feelings hurt because my expectations aren’t met. For me, as hard as it is sometimes, I need to know where I stand.

Inevitably, this takes much of the “romance” out of life (because much of the romance I’d previously experienced was only conjured up in my own mind). That doesn’t mean the romance is completely gone, and in some cases I think those instances when I do experience it are even better because they’re rarer.

Better yet, I think knowing where I stand, the true character of people, and accurate knowledge of situations leaves me better poised for successful mutual interactions. Although it sounds cold, it’s not. It’s actually very fulfilling.

Yet, often times I still find myself slipping into a daydream about something or another, and I have this perfect image of how things would be. And I think that’s okay too.

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