Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Follow Your Dreams

Two nights ago I had a naked dream – the kind where I forget to put my clothes on before I go to work.

I’ve had these dreams before. We all have. It’s the same typical scenario: you are at work, school, or elsewhere and you look down and realize you’re naked. Then you freak out. According to dream-meaning databases, naked dreams can have several meanings depending on your current situation (in real life) at the time that you have the dream. It can reflect your vulnerability or shamefulness, that you’re hiding something and are fearful someone will find out, or that you’re trying to be something you’re not.

But my dream was different. See, the night I had the dream, I wore a pair of gold booty shorts to derby practice. J had assured me they looked good and not ridiculous, but I was still really nervous to wear them in public – they were shiny gold, and my thighs were completely exposed, which I’ve never done before. I had on the same booty shorts in the dream, but nothing else.

The dream went like this: I was at work in the middle of a meeting when I realized I was essentially naked. I freaked for a millisecond, and then I looked around and noticed that no one else around me seemed to care, so I said “fuck it,” and went about my day. I continued the dream completely topless and actually felt pretty good about it. I took notes and contributed to the meeting, I got coffee from the break room, and I even remember checking myself out in the bathroom mirror and adjusting the booty shorts, followed by the thought “I look good.”

I’ve never had a naked dream in which I’m okay being naked and haven’t been made fun of for it. According to dreammoods.com, “For a small percentage of you, dreaming that you are proud of your nakedness and show no embarrassment or shame, then it symbolizes your unrestricted freedom. You have nothing to hide and are proud of who you are. The dream is about a new sense of honesty, openness, and a carefree nature.”

Wow. I don’t know who writes these dream interpretations, but I hope they’re right! I really do want to have a sense of unrestricted freedom, and I think I’m getting closer to that goal each and every day.

I think part of my not caring about being naked in the dream is due in part to the feedback I got at practice the night before –nothing but good, positive things were said by my peers (at least to my face). I think their compliments on my ass in the shorts validated a feeling I’ve been having lately, which is pride in myself. I may not be that size 8 (double that number, and you got my size), but I’m strong and toned (yes, even big girls can be toned), and I’ve been feeling good about myself. And really, they say that confidence is the best accessory, and I think that’s true. I’ve been forcing myself to be confident, and it’s paying off.

My dream always used to be to be thin. That’s it. If I am skinny, I’ll have it all. But, for the past year or so, I’m realizing that skinny people don’t have it all, and a dream to be thin is a stupid, shallow dream. My dream now is to do something that really matters, to encourage people to find the good in themselves and experience confidence themselves – no matter their size, to be healthy and strong and confident, and to have a good time, because really, what is a lifetime of self-imposed restrictions due to a poor perception of yourself? It’s a waste, and I don’t want to waste another single second being that person.

Tomorrow I’ll be wearing gold lame booty shorts and no top to work – okay, maybe I won’t, but in my head I will!

3 comments:

Julia said...

I love you. I can't tell you how much your posts mean to me. I hope that I can somehow force myself into having the confidence that you do. I remember you posting once about having reverse body dysmorphia; I totally have the same thing, until I get a reality check (in the form of a picture or rude comment in a foreign country) and it pretty much destroys me for at least a couple of days.

I've heard that your brain will do what you tell it to; that's how hypnosis works, and affirmation therapy. Basically, if you tell yourself that you are confident, and that you look awesome, your brain doesn't see the distinction between sort of faking it, and believing it, so it starts to believe it as fact. Does that make sense?

Anyway, sorry for the rambley-ness. I think I have PMS. See you tonight.

Betty Beatdown said...

You know...I don't think I've ever had a naked dream! Most of my dreams involve having to fight someone or watching planes and helicopters crash. Sometimes I'm in an elevator that's falling. But I'm never naked. I wonder what that means?

Regardless, I am sure you rocked the booty shorts. I can't wait to watch you skate again!

Carrie said...

You looked bitchin' in those gold booty shorts. Totally hot and totally fearless!