Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Allergen Guilt

I have a lot of guilt for a person who probably really shouldn’t. Take yesterday, for instance. Yesterday was day 6 of the worst allergy attack I’ve ever had in my life. Here in Baltimore the flowers, trees, and grass are all blooming at the same time and have culminated in record breaking pollen counts, according to the newscasters. I haven’t been able to breath out of my right nostril and have had one continual sinus headache for days, so I called out of work yesterday when my head hurt so bad I couldn’t get out of bed. And as soon as I could muster opening my eyes and getting out of bed (at 1pm) to get some allergy and pain meds, I was hit with the wall of guilt for not having gone to work.

I hate sick days. I hate staying at home. I feel guilty each and every time I have to call out of work. I even felt guilty about it when I had eColi and couldn’t stray more than 10 feet from the toilet for 5 days. Due to that bout of sickness, I’ve depleted my sick days and now I can’t miss any more work until September 27, which makes me feel even more guilty.

To my defense, I did e-mail my boss at 2pm yesterday, and I completed a chapter I had e-mailed myself last week, working till 5pm, so I did get some work in. Still, it doesn’t feel like work if I’m not there, sitting in my office, even though, truth be told, I likely get more work done when I’m at home than I do at an average day at the office.

Our first bout of the home team season is this coming Saturday. I’ve been a busy bee preparing for that, and last night was to be the last team scrimmage we were to have before the bout, so I felt I needed to be there – at least to scrimmage with my team. I loaded myself up on 4 different allergy medications and went to practice, only after having gotten a disapproving look from J, who is of the mind of “if you can’t go to work, then you shouldn't do anything else that day.” (Sigh)

I made it through skating last night, took Benadryl, went to bed, made myself get up early to come into work early to make myself feel better about having missed work yesterday. I’ve brought 3 allergy meds with me, and I’m currently so freaking jittery that I’m actually thinking twice about going to get my usual morning coffee for fear that my heart will explode.

Well, I suppose all I can do is play catch up. I’ll stay late today and likely come in early again tomorrow, as I pray for forgiveness from the unmerciful god of guilt that resides in my head.


Tami said...

Aleergies are a sad thing, I remember watching my Mom when I was growing up. The only thing they had back then was Contact. Wow I am dating myself! The poor woman could not see without her contact lenses in and could not get them in because her eyes were so swollen and watery. I am dealing with poison ivy right now so I can relate to allery junk!

Tami said...

opps typo allergies

SKabs said...

I ALWAYS feel guilty about missing anything for being sick, which sux cuz I am actually sick quite a bit. At my last visit to my ENT, I asked for an explanation of why I kept getting sinus and upper respiratory infections when I don't have allergies and my immune system is working fine...she said "you're just a sickly person I guess."

Yeah...thanks for the official diagnosis, doc. Blerg.

Ruth of All Evil said...

I totally can relate to the sick-guilt! I had massive guilt last week when I had the flu (the flu!) and went back to work before I was all-the-way better, because I feel like if I can walk and talk I had better be at work. You'd think I'd have more guilt about exposing my coworkers to the flu, but my guilt was over not being there. I also only get one sick day per quarter, so I can't afford to be sick. Blargh.

Anonymous said...

I don't have guilt until I get back to work and everyone bitches about how crappy it was to cover for me. SORRY ABOUT THAT.