Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Stunting My Growth

I’ve started smoking again. I’m not at a pack a day or anything, but I went from bumming a couple of smokes on a Saturday night while out drinking with my friends to nearly a pack on the weekends and maybe two singles each day during the week.

I always loved the smell of cigarette smoke. My uncle was smoker (still is), and I use to love the way it smelled – the way he smelled. I think I’m the only person in history that actually likes the smell of a burning cigarette, sad but true.

I’ll never forget my first cigarette. I was in the 6th or 7th grade, and my friend, Holly, would sell us looseys for ten cents each. I think they were Viceroy. For the love of god, can you imagine a pack of 11-year-old girls smoking Viceroys? Well, we were it. I would hide the already stale looseys under my bed, wrapped in a maxipad, and by the time I finished smoking them, well I should have been turning green from the staleness, but I didn’t care.

I got a fake ID at 15 that allowed me to buy cigarettes from the CVS in the mall where I worked. Back then I smoked Marlboro Mediums. I smoked those for a while.

I continued to smoke throughout college (Winston Lights, Camel Wide Lights, regular Camel Lights, Parliament Lights…) and for some time out of it, but I wound up quitting 5 or 6 years ago. There was a brief stint when my dad died that I picked it back up for several months, but I don’t count that, because well, it was a very stressful time and I just don’t want to count it, thank-you-very-much!

So, here I am. I’m actually at what I would consider my peak physical performance, and I’m smoking again. Why?

Well, I know work and derby work have been stressing me out lately (the sheer amount of both), but that’s no reason to start again. I think part of it is that the weather’s finally starting to get nice here in Baltimore, I’m spending more time outside, and I use to love smoking in the warmer months. Either reason, I need to kick this habit.

First, I need to drink less, because when I drink, I’ve been known to make poor choices, like smoking an entire pack of cigarettes or eating half a box of garlic-parmesan Cheez-Its (which are heaven on earth, people).

Second, I need to smoke less, because smoking makes me want to smoke more.

Third, I need to enlist my friends, and certainly my league mates, to slap me if I try and bum a cigarette or if they see me smoking one.

Luckily, I don’t think I’m that deep into the darkness that I can’t easily pull myself out (I’m certainly not at a pack a day). I can do this. I will do this. And I will not enlist the Cheez-Its to help me.

4 comments:

Betty Beatdown said...

Don't look to me for help...I've been smoking again too. I had 3 or 4 yesterday. God, remember when we would smoke a pack a day just working at LWW?!

Megan said...

old black lung will help you!

pixie rocket said...

you can quit!
i have faith...

Holly said...

Don't let me catch you, i'll smack it right out of your hand ;).

For Realz, You can kick it, we need you to kick some ass this season!