Friday, April 4, 2008

The Thinker

There's something really depressing about seeing a man sitting on the toilet. No matter who he is, he just looks vulnerable and sad. Think about it. It could be anyone - any man out there - seeing him sitting on the toilet, regardless of who he is, is not something you would want to do.

Maybe it's because we see the men in our lives as masculine and strong. We don't want to see them in such a weak position; sitting, with their pants down,their junk tucked in the toilet bowl...

Then think about women. We sit all the time - there is no option of standing up (unless you buy this). We sit. That's what we do. And so we can make sitting on the toilet respectable.

There's the "talking to your friends" sit, where you're all crammed in a one-stall bathroom, all dressed up because you're out at some bar or at a party, and you're excited to be there. Your friend is checking her makeup in the mirror while your sitting, chatting with your other friend about where she got her purse.

There's the "talking through the stalls" sit, where you carry on a very important conversation with your friend that started in the other room and you couldn't just wait to finish. It's purposeful and informative.

Then there's the "drunk" sit. Sometimes you could be in a public restroom, hovering over a seat full of 2:00am puddled piss, and you're so drunk you slip and fall in it, or you could even be pissing outside if you're unfortunate enough. Even then, you can't stand up, you still have to sit - squatting behind a building or bush (or in a parking garage after The Pogues, Betty Beatdown), your desperately holding your panties and pants out, so you don't piss all over them, piss splashing on your shoes.

Okay, so they can't all be respectable. But, no matter what way a woman does it, she hardly ever looks vulnerable and sad.

I suppose the men did get the ability to pee standing up, but we got the ability to pee sitting down... with class.

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