Monday, June 2, 2008

Beam Me Up, Scottie!

Yesterday, after I coughed myself into a headache that wouldn’t go away, but when I still had over an hour left at work, all I could think about was going home and taking a nap. Could I sneak out? No. My office is right next to the front door of our office, so unless my personal belongings are strewn across my desk, everyone who walks by knows very quickly if I’m in the office or not. And I hate making up time.

It was at this point that I slipped into a daydream and started to ponder how I could set up some personal belongings to show I was “there” but perhaps in a meeting and then later on have the personal belongings removed, because surely my leaving them there overnight would be a dead giveaway that I was trying to pull a fast one or had a personal emergency, in which case everyone I know I would be inquiring about “what happened” the next day, and my cover would be blown anyhow. Then it hit me: teleportation!

If I had a teleportation device, I could “slip out” early, leave my shit on my desk, and then pop back in to retrieve it, say 30 minutes after my work day is suppose to end, thus giving me the added bonus of looking like I have stayed late.

Then I started thinking about what else I would do if I had a teleportation device. I could go home on my lunch break to play with my dog. I could avoid rush-hour traffic. I could avoid the communal ladies restroom here at work, never again having to hold in a number 2 or having to smell someone else’s.

Then practicality hit me. If there was such a thing as a teleportation device, I probably wouldn’t be allowed to use it, and if one was accessible, I almost certainly couldn’t afford to pay for it, what with it being new technology and all and me being part of the working poor. Additionally, there would probably be rules for using it, so I couldn’t just slip in or out as I’d like to. But… assuming I am allowed to use it and it’s free to use, why the hell would they waste office space anymore? We could all work from home and “beam in” to meeting rooms when we needed to. Teleportation would transform the way we work, and any “office” would surely be a home office.

Ah, if I worked at home, I’d be there by now.

The sad thing is, the real daydream here is my dreaming of sneaking out of work early. I could not do that. Well, I could, but I’d give myself an ulcer in the time it took for me to get back into work the next morning, because I’m paranoid and neurotic about time and rules. Imagine a place where I have to be and I don’t go and nothing bad happens… Maybe I don’t need the teleporter after all – just the stick removed from my ass.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I will cover for you anytime you need me to. I can stop by your office every 1/2 hour to hour and just move a few things around or add and remove stuff. Sounds like a plan!