Friday, June 27, 2008


Today’s booty is a fresh one—and it’s the first in a two-part series: Part I is today, and Part II will follow on the last Friday of June 2009. Let’s welcome Part I, the Fresh Meat Booty: Nurse Wretched!!!

Nurse almost didn’t submit to the campaign—much like many e-mails I get, she thought that she “wasn’t ready” to be featured. Wasn’t ready?! Ladies, there’s no time like the present, and your booty is a present, so now is indeed the time! Okay, so I understand the argument of wanting to be featured when you’re more established in your derby career. Fine. But Nurse and I made a compromise (I suppose you could say we’re both half-assed) and decided we’d make a special feature out of Nurse. Today she is featured as Fresh Meat. Next year she will be a vet, and she’ll explain all the ways she’s used and appreciated her derriere within this year. So, without further adieu, Part I:

“I love the idea of a women's sport that's full contact where we can hit each other all night long, then be sisters afterwards,” said Nurse, an aspiring blocker extraordinaire for the Charm City Roller Girls who has been skating since January. “I love that no matter what size you are or what your athletic background is, there's a place for you in derby. I also think it sets a great example for young girls because there's really no mold you have to fit into to be a part of it. It's a sport that encourages women to be tough, athletic, smart, and unique while allowing them to still be sexy at the same time. Plus, I work on psych wards and I used to kickbox, so I'm kind of an adrenaline junkie.”

Although she can’t actually write scripts, she does have a prescription for the shit that is everyday life, “I like playing roller derby because it's better than Prozac man! I'm underpaid, the economy sucks, and sometimes, I just want to hit someone. Roller derby is an outlet for all that stress and it's a great workout! Plus, there's nothing like that feeling you get when you're whizzing around on skates. It's like flying, man.”

As to why she digs her ass, Nurse says “…curves are beautiful!!! Women should have asses!! It's what makes us better than men!! And my ass has gotten INSANE since I started skating. I love it! I love seeing guys (and girls) go crazy at the bouts over a big derby girl in some fishnets and booty shorts.” So do I… She goes on to say, “It's refreshing to see people appreciate curves. I work with girls with eating disorders at one of my jobs, and I love telling them about derby. I think it sends a really positive message. You don't have to be a size 2 to be sexy!!!!!!!” HERE! HERE!

“The other day at open skate, I was skating in front of Carnage Asada of the Harm City Homocide, and he gave me the most amazing compliment I think I have ever received. He said, ‘I came up with a great analogy to describe what skating behind you is like. Skating behind you is like being stranded in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights with no food and seeing a Qdoba.’ "

As fresh meat, Nurse is still exploring the many possibilities of her ba-dunk-a-dunk “It's exciting,” she says. “Stay tuned, because this booty is going to be a force to be reckoned with on the league.”

Stay tunes, peeps, because I think she’s right!

Freshies, vets, retirees: SUBMIT YOUR BOOTY! I was serious when I said your ass is a present. Don't be stingy. Share it with us!


pixie rocket said...

i'm so glad Nurse (and her fine behind) joined our league.

pixie rocket

DayGlo Divine said...

Hell yeah!

Midlife Crashes said...

Not only is Carnage Asada a BRILLIANT name, but his quote was priceless! I need a Nurse! BTW that is one of my favorite movies of all time ;)