Monday, June 9, 2008

Limbo

Tomorrow will mark five full weeks since my shoulder contusion and A/C tear. FIVE WEEKS. Yet, this morning as I’m closing the door from letting the dog in and thinking, “I wonder if I could try and go to practice tonight,” I get a twinge of intense pain, which has become more ordinary than I’d like it to be.

I’ve got my captains asking my why my recovery is taking so long, and isn’t my doctor concerned about it? I explain A/C tears can take 6-8 weeks to recover, yet I know something’s not right. When I tore the same ligaments last summer, the pain went away much faster and I was pretty much back to normal by now. I’ve been told by several people in the past week, “Wow, that shoulder is much higher than the other.” And it is. Additionally, I’ve lost 5 pounds in the past month, and I know it’s all muscle, which is perhaps the most depressing part of this all, aside from the obvious fact that I still cannot skate.

I’m totally in limbo here, and I hate it. How much more muscle am I going to lose? Am I going to be able to skate in our bout next month? What’s my endurance going to be like when I can return? How long will it take me to get back to where I was before the injury? How strong is my shoulder? Am I going to need surgery the very next time I get hit?

So, I decided to nag my orthopedist for the third time and make him see me again. The date is set for tomorrow. I hope I get some answers to at least some of the questions I have. I need to know why I’m still in so much pain. I need to know that I’m healing okay and when I can really, truly return to practice and participate fully. Do I need surgery after all?

I’m kind of scared to find out the answers, but at this point I think knowing is better than being stuck here in lala land not knowing what the hell is going on.

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