Thursday, June 5, 2008

My New Mantra: Don't Be an Asshole

It’s been a pretty stressful past month or so; I’ve had a lot of work to do, and on top of that I haven’t been able to skate or really even exercise until last week, which has me completely thrown off. Stress rears its head in weird ways for me. Mostly, I become a sarcastic bitch without a filter.

Two days ago at the office a coworker of mine, who’s still a fairly new mom, ask me how I was feeling. On top of all the stress and lack of normalcy that led to a brief depression within the last month, I also come down with bronchitis.

“I’m on the mend” I said.

“What you need is a week at a health spa where you can relax and enjoy yourself,” she said.

To which I replied, “No, what I need is for all you inconsiderate parents to stop coming in here when you’re sick and spreading all the nasty germs your kids pick up at daycare.”

Whoa! And there it was—it just flew right on out of my mouth. My coworker smiled, said okay, and walked back to her office.

“I’m such an asshole,” I thought. I wound up apologizing to her via e-mail 5 minutes later.

Then, just this morning, I was having a wonderful start to my day. I got up early, did a half hour on the elliptical, showered, ate breakfast, and drove into work actually feeling awake for the first time in I don’t know how long. I get to my parking garage and notice a woman in a big black Land Rover SUV stuck trying to squeeze into the “compact cars only” section of the garage.

This really gets my goat. Why? Well, I drive a 1995 Toyota Tercel, a real and true compact car. More often than not when I go to leave work for the day an SUV is parked in the spot next to me marked “compact cars only”, and I can barely open my door to get in my car. It pisses me off. Suck it up and go up ONE LEVEL. Really, how inconsiderate can you be? These fuckers just don’t care.

Usually, I’d just laugh to myself regarding the woman in the Land Rover who was stuck, but today something else happened.

It all started with a laugh. The woman looked over at me and smiled, thinking perhaps that my laughing was me empathizing with her and her predicament.

“Nice fucking compact car,” I yelled.

Did that just come out of my mouth?! I panicked.

Was my window down?! It was.

Was her window down?! It was.


She wound up still parking in the “compact cars only” section, albeit further up the ramp. Once parked, I got out of my car as quickly as possible, avoided eye contact, and rushed out of the garage. What’s wrong with me?

I really could use some meditation time these days. I really don’t want to be an asshole. In fact, that could be my mantra: no asshole. “No” in the inhale and “ass-hole” on the exhale.

This now has me thinking about what would happen if someone had no asshole… Oh, well. At least I’m no longer angry.


salamandrina said...

Heh. Are you sure you don't work in my office? I have the same problem in my parking garage. We also get inconsiderate patients who bing in every virus and bacteria known to man - from the flu to active MRSA.

Not being an asshole has to go both ways - there are just some things you need to call people on.


chrissy said...

oh god, that is too funny, i snorted out loud about the "nice fucking compact car" part..i know exactly what you mean!


Tami said...

I think everyone I know has been an asshole this past month except me I have been a bitch! I have ZERO tolerance for sick people, I even hate myself when I am sick!