Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Still Not Skating… and Hating it

Last week’s marathon banner hanging, banner takedown, and banner re-hanging really took a toll on my shoulders – yes, both of them. I think all the activity, with hands over my head holding the weight of sometimes 7’x14’ banners, has kept my left shoulder from healing as much as it could have by now. Not only that, but my right shoulder, injured in May, has now faced a setback as well, as I’ve been feeling more pain in it than I have in over a month. So, when will I get to skate?

That’s the question that’s been on my mind. August is a free month for us, but we have a bout September 13. I’m thinking that might be pushing it. Our final bout of the season is October 25. The decision now is: do I play in October and risk not being fully healed, or do I just sit out the rest of the season, allow myself to completely heal, and just promise to kick ass next season? The rollergirl in me is leaning toward option 1 – in fact, she’s whispering in my ear, “Maybe you CAN play in September…” The practical side of me is leaning toward the second option of sitting out the rest of the season and being able to train full throttle for the next season. It’s a difficult decision.

In the meanwhile, I’m turning 30, and I can’t help but wonder what this recovery time would be like if I were still 22. I guess there’s no use thinking that way now. Shit, I was in way worse physical shape when I was 22 than I am now. But, if I were in the shape I am now and 22, would I be healing faster?

It’s impatience. I’m impatient. I know patience is a virtue, but no one has every called me virtuous. I’m still very much involved in derby, which makes every scrimmage I watch and every bout I attend more painful than the last. This weekend I’m scheduled to attend Virgin Fest with my league on both days. The only catch is that I’m announcing instead of skating – boo! Don’t get me wrong, I love Dirty Marty, and I love talking, but I think I love skating more. The absence of my ability to skate has made skating even more attractive to me than it probably was before.

I tried to convince myself last week that just watching was good for me – it would help me learn and see different plays, angles, and moves more clearly, so when I got back into scrimmaging I would be a better player. Will it work? I don’t know. Right now watching other people skate is like seeing a recently ex-boyfriend holding hands with someone I know and hate.

I suppose just like heartbreak, I can’t dwell on my inability to skate, because it will only make things worse. What scares me the most is being separated from my love of skating for so long that I become an old maid who wears shoes without wheels on them at all. But I’m not ready to do that yet. I’m just getting started (even if I'm over 3 years in).


DayGlo Divine said...

It might not be skating skating, but we zebras can always use help at practices, and working with us until you feel fully ready for contact might prove to be a good compromise between your need to skate and your need to heal.

Just sayin'...

Holly said...

oh my god, I know exactly how you feel.