Monday, October 6, 2008

Wishes, Fortunes, and Accidents

This past Saturday we FINALLY made it to the Renaissance Festival, one of the happiest places on earth, according to yours truly. I love the Ren Fest for many reasons. First, it was one of the first outings J and I ever went on together, and somehow being there brings us back to the days of puppy love and PDA, something we don’t partake in too often seven years later. Second, it’s outside. I miss doing things outside, and this is one event that’s completely outside. Lastly, it denotes Fall to me, and Fall is my favorite season!

We had planned on getting there at noon, but I went running that morning and took my time getting ready. We were all set to get there by 1pm, 1:30pm at the latest – we even had “secret back way directions” to avoid the traffic along the MapQuest route everyone takes. Everything was fine until we were 2 miles away. Then the sitting in traffic began.

I had to pee before we left the house, but I was so excited to get there that I put it off. Now, two hours later, I was squirming in my seat desperately looking for a place on the side of the road that would shield the glow of my big white ass. It hurt so bad, I had to undo my seatbelt.

“What’s wrong with you,” J said.

“I have to pee so bad it hurts, and there’s nowhere I can pee here,” I said, “I need a toilet.”

Then, out of nowhere, we move about two car lengths and up ahead I see a port-a-pot on the side of the road! I got out and started running. Not only did the port-a-pot come from nowhere, it was possibly the cleanest port-a-pot I had ever seen. No toilet paper, but at that point I didn’t even care – it was a place to pee.

Once back in the car, I began to wonder if maybe everyone really does get one wish in life, but the wish selection is completely random. Maybe I had just cashed mine in – the “I wish I had a toilet” was granted and I’d blown my chances at a million dollars, perkier tits, or three more wishes. Oh well, at that point, I was just as happy with the toilet!

We finally made it – hours late – and met up with some friends. We drank bee stings (mead and cider), threw axes, drank some more, threw knives, ate turkey legs and onion rings, and laughed a lot. Then I decided I was going to go to get my cards read.

I usually only think of psychics as being older women, but mine was in her 30s. I guess you could make the argument that the reading I got could have translated to anyone, but it really did translate to my life as well. I suppose I should have been happy about that, except I really couldn’t be because the entire reading was about work. For some reason this pissed me off – I was like, “don’t tell me about work on my weekend!”

By the time I got out of there it was time to go. J was waiting for me outside and had gotten me a rose, which actually surprised me, because earlier in the day someone had tried to sell him a rose to give to me, and I spoke for him, saying, “But I won’t be able to hold it – I need both hands for beer.”

On the ride home I couldn’t stop smelling the rose – it was one of those oversized greenhouse type roses that look perfect and smell perfect too. I was totally immersed in studying the rose, when the cars ahead of us broke my attention.

We were on a three- or four-lane highway, only two cars ahead of us, we’re all going 80 MPH. and then suddenly, the silver car in front of us goes to change lanes, not realizing the black car is in his blind spot. The silver car starts to merge and then realizes the other car is there. He overcompensated by jerking his wheel back into his lane, which caused his car to flip up into the air, land on its roof, and slide 80 MPH for what seemed like an eternity. We were more to the left, so we went further left, hoping the car on its roof wouldn’t collide into us, or us him. Luckily, the car on its roof slid off to the right-hand side and stopped in the emergency lane without a collision into the jersey wall. Holy crap.

I’d never been that close to an accident before, and I had no clue a car could flip up into the air like that. I thought only Jeeps rolled. I thought about the people in the car. I hoped they were okay. I wondered why THIS hadn’t been revealed in my card reading.

I had to pee again, but luckily we made it home within the hour, safe and sound and ready to face the work week with my newfound knowledge. As much as I like the events associated with Ren Fest, I hope next year’s Ren Fest is uneventful.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Holy crap, indeed, T. That was amazing about your porta-potty, but even moreso that you escaped the flippy car! - JK